Subway Album Review #7Crypt Sermon

The following is based on a true story: Stereogum put out a list of the best new artists of 2015. I don’t know what their criteria were, and having listened to several of the albums, am no closer to unlocking this mystery.

#7 Crypt Sermon - Out of the Garden

Before I even downloaded this album, I had a really good idea of what Crypt Sermon’s t-shirts would look like. The music starts, and as I expected, it is doom. Props to this band for selecting a name that spells out exactly what they do. These guys are pretty legit; I can imagine myself as an 8-year old playing this cassette on repeat while on a sugar binge and attempting to copy the best teenage mutant ninja turtle karate kicks.

This is everything doom metal aspires to be. Complexly layered guitars, beautifully mixed and mastered, plenty of odd rhythms and all the appropriately exotic modes scattered throughout, and the songs are thoroughly composed and theatrically performed. While listening, I am briefly distracted by a German reality TV “celebrity” entering the subway. We meet eyes and he sees that he knows I’ve made him, which is truly awful because I am mortified that someone else on this planet knows I watched that show, and it’s hard to tell which one of us is more embarrassed by this whole encounter. Fortunately, he gets out of the subway almost instantly, and I’m back in the world of long hair, black nail polish, and diabolical imagery popular among angsty suburban teens and IT admins.

Even though I am not always stoked about this kind of music, this is a really solid album. If you’re into this sort of thing, you’ll definitely like this one! 

TL;DR - Pretty much just does what it says on the tin.